Lost & Found Hope
by Jennifer Starz
Summary: The team is angry with JJ and she finds it increasingly difficult to talk to them about her troubles. What would the team do when they realise that JJ has been keeping things from them? How will they react to how JJ has been copin? What will they do to help her realise that they will be there for her? Will JJ be able to trust them again?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Jennifer Jareau (JJ) stood in the cemetry, staring down at her aunt's grave. It had been two days since they had buried her, a week since her body had been discovered in the ravines of the mountain where she had gone to hike the mountain. She wiped the tears away from her eyes and stared up at the sky.

The weather was clear. Glancing at the time, she noticed that it had half an hour before she was due for her check-in at the airport. Giving the grave a last glance, she walked away. The last leaving member of her family was gone. Now there was no one left. She took a deep breath and decided it was not a good idea to think about everything that was going on with her life.

She had lost every possible person she loved in her life. Not all of them were dead but they all were so far away from her that she couldn't even ask for their help when she needed it. And what was worst was that they did not care about her.

For the past month, things had been hectic at BAU. It was all her fault and she knew it. They all blamed her. She had been responsible for the team. She had to ensure that she kept the team's back while they went into the unsub's house to bring him out. But what they had not anticipated was another unsub. He had entered the house while she had been staring at the monitor screen. She hadn't seen him enter and it was because of her he had shot and killed a police officer and then shot Morgan.

Hotch had a talk with her but his attitude had given her a clear idea that he, too, like the others blamed her for what had happened. The rest of the team was giving her the cold shouders. None of them talked to her until they absolutely had to and that was only about the cases.

Two weeks after the incident, she had lost Henry. Her baby boy had been suffering from an incurable cancer of the blood and she and Will had failed to notice it. The cancer had grown rapidly and had killed him. They had buried him in New Orleans, where Will's own father had been buried. Soon after his funeral, Will had told her that he couldn't go on living with her and he wanted to be close to his father and his son. She had returned to the house, all alone, no one there to hold her or comfort her.

She had nothing left but the job. Every day she went to work with the cool, confident manner that characterized her but never did she allow anyone to see her struggling. It was easy to avoid the team because they were too busy to notice she was around.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Isn't JJ supposed to be here?" Emily questioned when she noticed that JJ wasn't present in the conference room.

"She'll be joining us on the flight,"Hotch replied dismissively. "Wheel's up in thirty."

JJ read through the file and her eyes widened as she realised what the case was about. She swallowed hard as she tried to maintain her composure. Glancing up from the file, she tried not to make eye contact with the rest of the team.

"Morgan, Prentice, you two go down to see the victim's families, David and I would go down to the crime scene."

"The body was found in the ravine," Reid pointed out. "You'd need to hike up the mountain."

"The sheriff has a chopper waiting to take us there," Hotch replied.

JJ shifted uncomfortably in her seat. That was supposed to be her job but she wasn't the one doing it. She kept reading the file over and over again until she was sure there was nothing more she had to know.

Hotch looked over at JJ. He tried to read he expression but she was calm, just like her own self. The case was from her hometown and he just wanted to be sure that she was okay working the case.

Rossi watched as Reid and JJ sat at the desk trying to work out a profile. The two of them had been working silently for over two hours and neither of them had said a word to another. He shook his head and headed over to where Hotch had been standing.

"We have another thirty six hours before another women dies," Hotch said.

"Hotch, I think that the unsub had been hurt by someone significant to him," Reid said. "The victims suggests that he probably had a girlfriend, similar to the victims. Probably the girl had left him and then he started to kill."

"They were not his first kill," the sheriff said coming into the room. "I got calls from other state sheriff's saying that they had other victims with similar markings," he continued.

"But the markings on these victims start with one on the victims found here," Rossi said.

"Sir, a call justcame in," one of the deputy officer's came into the room. "A woman just went missing. Sarah James. The family is on their way in."

Hotch and Rossi exchanged a glance as they took in the pieces of information. "Sheriff, can you get the files on these other cases in immediately?" Hotch asked.

"They are faxing the details as we speak," the sheriff said.

Rossi walked to the board and stared at he board and tried to make sense of what was going on here. Reid and JJ came to join them. "It doesn't make sense," he muttered to himself.

One of the officers brought in the details of the rest of the cases. "Sir, details."

"Leave them on the table."

JJ immediately moved to the table to study the files. She noted the markings on each victim and then looked back to see Hotch staring at her. "He eliminates each markings after a combination of three," JJ told them her theory.

"That would mean that there are probably others and we don't know about it," Rossi said. "Sheriff, can you get me the list of other deaths that occured in these ravines recently. The markings probably may have gone unnoticed."

"We had an incident last week," the sheriff said. "A fifty two year old woman was found dead in the ravines. Cause of death was broken neck. But the M.E also pointed out there was blunt injury to the back of the head. However, if I think about it clear, there was a triangular cut on the woman's wrist. At that time we didn't think much about it because she had cuts and bruises."

"Can you get in touch with the family?" Reid questioned.

"I will get in touch with them immdiately."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

JJ raced to the bathroom, trying to get herself to calm down. She locked the door and stood against the wall. This was not happening. Bile rose in her throat again, she swallowed it down.

"JJ?" she heard Emily call her. "JJ, are you okay?"

"I'll be out in a sec," JJ replied. A minute later she stepped out of the bathroom only to find Emily waiting for her. She smiled but kept her head down. "I need to talk to Hotch."

Without saying anything else, she made her to where Hotch was standing. "Umm...do you have a sec?"

"Go on," Hotch said, without even looking at her.

Just then the Sheriff called out to Hotch. "Excuse me," he said and made his way to the Sheriff. "Yes?"

"I talked to the people who had claimed the body but the actual burial was done by her niece. The only living member in the family." Hotch frowned. "It's someone you know."

Hotch glanced at JJ before he thanked the Sheriff and made his way over to her. "You wanted to talk to me about something?"

JJ looked into his eyes and sighed. "You already know what I want to talk about, don't you?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Hotch questioned.

"I had no idea she would be involved," JJ said.

"I am not talking about the case," Hotch said. "Why didn't you tell me that your aunt had died?"

"That's my personal business, Hotch," JJ replied. "I did not want to talk about it."

"I will have to ask you to step down from this case," Hotch said.

"I can't do that."

"It's an order," he said with his stoic face.

Hotch watched as she turned around to leave. Something in her eyes had caught his attention but she had turned away to quickly in order for him to see what it was.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

JJ wiped away the tears. She was going to loose her job. He would take away the job she loved. She was going to loose it. Just like she had lost everything else that she had loved. She sat under the tree, staring at the mountain which had taken her aunt's life.

Glancing at the time, she noticed that it was still eleven and she did not want to go down to the hotel anytime soon. She took a deep breathe in and thought about where she wanted to go at the moment. The grave? She had been there in the weekend but it was the only place that would allow her to relax.

As she walked, she wondered what Hotch and the team would be talking about now. She had inkling feeling that they wanted her to be removed from the team but was that true? Or was it just a figmentation of her own mind? She didn't want to think about it. She had lost everything. and now she was going to loose her son as well.

She felt tears welling up in her eyes. Her baby boy was gone. Will was gone. Her team had abondoned her. She didn't have anyone. May be she should have also gone. Maybe it would be easier for her and the people she loved.

A trail of tears flowed down her cheeks as she entered the cemetry. Kneeling down besides her aunt's grave, she stared at it for a few minutes. The flowers that she had left were wilted.

"I am sorry," she said. "I did not bring any flowers for you today."

She tried to smile but she couldn't. She ran her fingers on the grave, caressing it as she used tocaress Henry's cheek. But like her aunt, Henry was also gone from her life. But he still remained in her heart. And that was what made it hard for her to move on. She had never imagined that he would be gone from her life so soon.

He watched her as she sat their weeping for someone she loved. She was no different from the others. They only weep because they have to. They really do not want to. They don't love the people they cry for. They do it because they have to so that they can convince themselves they really did care about them.

She was beautiful. Even from afar he could tell that her skin was satin. He wondered how it would feel when he would wrap his fingers around her neck? So soft? He shook his head. She was perfect. He was going to have more fun with her than he had with any others.

But there was going to be a special time for her and that time would come soon. He stood up. Too soon. Ensuring that there was no one crossing, no one who would see him. A smile grazed his features. He slowly walked upto her, slowly.

He stood directly behind her, waiting for herto look at him. He watched as she shifted in her position to stand up. He waited for er to turn before he hit her with a tyre-jack. She went limp on the ground. He smiled as he picked her up.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Hotch entered the room where the team had set up. "According to Mr. James, Sarah was supposed to meet the family in the morning for a family breakfast. She didn't show up and neither was she answering her phone," Hotch briefed them on the latest victim. "Morgan, Sarah rents an apatment up south. Go and see what you can get from their. Take Emily with you."

Morgan nodded and made his way out of the room. Reid frowned as something clicked in his mind. "If the family noticed her being missing today, we really have no idea when actually she did go missing, do we?"

"I am hoping that Morgan would be able to get us those details," Hotch replied.

"I think that there is a possibility that he has already killed the girl," Rossi put in. Just then the Sheriff walked into the room.

"Autopsy report just came in," he said. " Each victim was dead for almost sixty hours before they were found."

"That just cannot be," Reid said. "The chances of finding all victims sixty hours after being murdered is statistically impossible. All the victims were found in hidden places but all these places are frequently visited."

"Which means that our unsub is dumping them off where he is sure someone would find them," Hotch said.

"He is probably near by waiting until someone finds them," Rossi put in.

"May be he is present in the crowd when the body is found."

"It's likely to be someone who probably doesn't rise any suspicions and is able to fit in the society easily," Reid said.

"But why choose these women?" Rossi questioned. "They are all from different backgrounds, they don't have anything in common? Why?"

"There has to be something that has set him off," Reid said. "Something that we cannot see. That something may be the common denominator."

"When was the last time you saw Sarah? Emily asked the blonde haired girl, Abbey.

Abbey shook her head. "She had plans to meet with her parents today fro breakfast," Abbey replied. "But she had left on Wednesday morning. We both were to work the same shift but she took the leave, saying that she wanted to meet her parents early and she was planning on surprising them."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Sarah was a whole lot upset about her grandmother dying. She had taken it harder than everyone else. She would go daily to the cemetery to visit her grandmother's grave and she was planning on doing just that before she went to her parents."

Morgan thanked the girl as he and Emily stood to go. Once he was out of the apartment he said, "No one mentioned that Sarah had been grieving?"

"What are you thinking?" Emily frowned.

"Sarah visited her grandmother's grave everyday," Morgan pointed out.

"Someone watching would have noticed her," Emily said.

Morgan raised his brow and flipped his phone open.

"Hi, my chocolate prince, what can i do for you today?" Garcia said.

"Babygirl, can you check whether each victim had been grieving for someone?" Morgan questioned. "Someone who died just recently and all the victims were closed to them?"

"I'll call you as soon as I find it."

JJ winced as she felt the pounding in her grow louder. What the hell happened? Where was she? She opened her eyes but all she saw was darkness. She blinked her eyes for a few minutes but still her vision was dark. She tried wiping her eyes but noticed that her hands were bonded. Panic filled her insides. Where was she?

She tried to focus but couldn't.

What was the last thing that she remembered? She tried to remember. The cemetery. She had been at the cemetery. What had happened then? The sun was slowly starting to go down and she was standing up to leave and he was there standing behind her.

She swallowed. He was the unsub. She was with him. She tried to calm her frantically beating heart. God. What had she gotten herself into? She took another breath. He had been watching her at the cemetery. Was he doing the same with the others? The cemetery was the only place where there was hardly anyone around. No one would notice him taking someone away.

She tried to sit up and winced as the chains pulled on her wrists and ankles. Stopping herself from crying out loud, she gritted her teeth. Both her hands were starting to feel like jelly.

How long had she been out? Was anyone looking for her? Did anyone even know that she was missing? She tried to avoid the latter question, knowing that it would only bring pain for her and nothing else.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"So what do we know so far?" Hotch questioned as the entire team met in the briefing room once again.

Rossi listed out what they had discovered so far. Just the Garcia call came through. "All the victims had lost someone dear to them, though I am not sure whether they did or did not visit the garve daily."

"So he is targetting people who have lost soemone dear to them," Rossi said.

"He kidnaps them from he cemetry and then takes them somewhere where he could kill them and then dumps them in the ravines," Emily said.

"He would need to be physically strong and have a transportation to dump the body."

"So why does he take them?"

"Probably he thinks that they are visiting the grave because they only have to," Reid frowned.

"Garcia, can you see if there is someone who lost someone dear and then had trouble with people present in the funeral?"

"Sura can."

"Let's go deliver the profile."

Hotch straightened as he talked, "We are looking for a white male, late twenties to late thirties. We believe that he is taking his victims from the cemetry, particularly those who are usually there, grieving."

"He is physically fit and descent enough to be part of a crowd," Reid put in.

"It is likely that he watches his victims from afar and then chooses them."

Emily was tired by the time the team arrived at the hotel to have their dinner. She cracked her neck and then made her way to her room. The room she was to share with JJ. She knocked on the door but there was no response. Shaking her head, she took out the card key from her purse and swiped it to open the door. She frowned when she saw that the room was empty.

Crossing to the bed, she grabbed the phone and made a call to the reception. "Hello, this is Agent Prentice. I was wanting to inquire whether Agent Jareau checked-in or not." Once she was given the answer, she tried to call JJ's phone but it was unreachable. Damn, where was this girl?

She raced down to Hotch's room. She knocked the door violently until Hotch opened it. "What the hel.."

"JJ did not check into the hotel," she burst out. "I tried calling her but she isn't answering. I also tried her aunt's number but she isn't answering also."

"Get the team together now."

JJ lay on the cold floor, the throb in her head still strong. Her face was bloody and her lips cracked. Bile rose in her throat and she heaved out again. Blood stained the brim of her lips. God, she was so cold. She tried to curl up but couldn't. She couldn't move any inch of her body. It all hurt.

He had beaten her because she had refused to make cuts on the woman who was lying down beside her, dead. The woman she now recognised to be Sarah James. They were late once again. She had no idea how many hours had passed since she had been beaten by the psychopath.

The door creaked open. Her stomach recoiled in protest. He stood tall in front of her. "You are more tough than the rest of them," he said. "I cut them after I killed them but with you its going to be different.

"Tell me you have something for us babygirl?"

"Michael Stevens, twenty nine years old. He lost his mother six months ago. Apparently, she was the only living parent that he had. Up until then he was a great kid but soon after his mother died, he started to get into fights. And then two months ago, he hot into fight with his aunt. He claimed that his aunt was only at the grave so that people did not question her and that she really didn't care about his mother."

"That was probably what had set him off," Hotch said, trying to keep his calm self. But frankly, he was worried about JJ. He did not like not knowing where his agnets were.

"Do you have an address?"

"Sending you the address now."

Hotch took the phone off the table and stepped out of the room. "Garcia, call Will and tell him what is happening but tell him to stay put until we find her."

"We'll she be okay?" Garcia questioned.

"We hope so."

He cut the connection and met the team as they were getting into the SUV. He did not want to waste anymore time. He had to get her out of the danger that she had fallen in. Damn. he should have guessed that she could also fall victim. after all she had also lost her aunt recently.

He was out of the SUV as soon as it came to an hault. The house seemed silent and clean. They went from room to room searching for her but their was no sign of her.

"Basement!" Reid pointed out.

The door to the basement was locked. Hotch nodded and two uniformed officers broke the dorr to enter. Morgan was the frist one to go in. "Michael Stevens?"

Michael dragged JJ to her feet, her skin slightly bluish in color. There cuts on her body, bleeding. Hotch trained his gun on the unsub. "Step away from her now," Hotch said calmly.

The unsub only smiled. He pressed the knife deeper on her abdomen. She winced. Her already pale skin grew more pale. Emily saw the shiver that went through her body.

She aimed for the unsub, her hand steady, she noted that Morgan and Hotch was also ready. One. Two. Three. They shot. They all pulled the trigger together, each shot hitting him square in the head.

Emily raced to hold JJ as she hit the ground in a limp form. "Hold on," she murmurred. "The ambulance is here." She swallowed as she saw the dull color in her usual blue eyes. "Don't give up."

Hotch watched as Emily talked gently with JJ. He glanced down and noticed the ring missing from her finger. He frowned. But there was nothing he could at the moment as the medic rushed through the door.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

It had been two hours since JJ had been brought to the hospital. Garcia rushed through to the waiting room. Seeing the rest of the team members in the waiting room, she relaxed. But her tear stained face told them another story.

"Hey, you are here faster than anyone could think," Morgan smiled at her but Garcia remained silent. He frowned when he noticed that she wasn't being her usual self. "What's wrong?"

The rest of the team became aware of the tension and the tear stains on their usual bubbly and cheerful friend's face. "What's wrong, Garcia?"

Garcia looked at the team and shook her head. "It's been almost a month and yet none of us cared to think about JJ," Garcia said. "None of us thought to even care to see if she was okay. It's all our fault. JJ was drowned in guilt and all we did was add to that guilt."

"What are you trying to say?" Hotch asked.

"We distanced ourselves so much from her that she couldn't even bring herself to us for help and support. She went through it all alone and none of us were there to hold her and comfort her."

"If you are referring to JJ's aunt, then she really didn't want us there," Hotch said.

"Because she thought that we wouldn't care and she was right," Garcia said angrily. "None of us cared to ask why she took some time off. None of us cared enough to look past her fault to see what she was going through. None of us cared to even realise why JJ was so cheerful and bright even when we all were not on speaking terms with her. We are the only family she had and none of us cared."

"What are you trying to say, babygirl?"

"You are supposed to be the best profiler and yet you couldn't figure out what one of our own was going through," Garcia pointed out.

"Garcia, what are you trying to say?" Emily asked.

"JJ didn't just loose her aunt," Garcia said, trying to hold her tears back. "She lost everyone. Us. Will. Henry. And she didn't even say a word. She didn't even ask for anything. All she did was accept everything that was going on with her life."

"Hang on, what do you mean she lost Will and Henry?" Rossi asked.

"Will stayed behind in New Orleans the day they..." she paused.

"They, what?" Morgan asked.

"The day they buried Henry."

Hotch stared at Garcia, shocked with he had just heard. Reid swallowed hard, Rossi took a step back, Emily took a sit and Morgan swore.

Hotch stood watching JJ through the window. How had she gone through everything and not even say a word. She had kept going, without complaining. He swallowed. It was all his fault. He was their leader. He should have known that JJ would take this hard. But she hadn't complained. She did what was aksed of her without questioning, trying to rub off her guilt.

Over the past month, Jack had asked a lot of question about JJ and Henry but for the past week he hadn't said anything about them. Now what was he going to say to his son. How was he going to tell him that the little boy he considered his best friend and brother was now no longer in his life. And he would no longer be there with him.

He went into the room. JJ was okay for the moment. She had developede hypothermia and some of the cuts on her bosy were deep. But doctor's believed that she would be able to make a full recovery.

He took her hand into his and then felt a stab of anger stir inside of him. Will should have been there with her but he had abondoned her to be with his family and left her to deal with everything by herself.

He studied her profile. she ws the most amazing woman he had ever seen. ever since Hayley had died, she had been the one who had been his support pillar. She had always been there for him and she was amazing with his son. Jack loved her and he would brighten up everytime he saw JJ coming to visit him.

JJ had shared her maternal instincts with both the boys and never once could anyone say that she had been biased with her care of both the boys. she treated Jack the same way she treated Henry. she gave them the equal amount of love and joy. May be she gave a little more to Jack because of Hayley but she never made him feel that she was doing a favor on him.

He wiped the tear that had slid down his face. She was an amazing friend. The kind of friend one could turn to at anytime, whenever they needed her. she was the face everyone looked for after a gruesome case. She knew exactly how to comfort each member of the team.

And yet she was the one who had gotten hurt.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Rossi closed her eyes as he remembered the moments he had been spent the girl who was like a daughter to him. JJ had been able to understand him. She had given her hope when he had thought that there was no hope for him. She had gone through so much and yet he wasn't there for her. He couldn't blame the rest of the team, they were still young, but he should have been there with her.

Closing his eyes, he smiled at the memory of JJ and Henry when they had come to his place to help him with thanksgiving. She had shown up with Henry a lot more time than he could actually count. somehow she would know that he was in need of company. She would give him some stupid excuse about running an errand or something and would leave Henry with him. She knew that Henry helped him clear his head and gave him a joyful company.

Sometimes she would bring both the boys over and help him concentrate on things that he didn't have the pleasure on doing. she just stand their like a dutiful daughter and give him the peace ofmind that he sometimes craved.

And he hadn't been there for her when she had needed the support of her family the most. No one had been there for her. He wiped away the tears from his face and stood to go.

Where?

He had no idea. He just wanted to let go of the guilt that plagued his mind. She was the only person who had truelly understood him and availed herself whenever he needed to have hope or just company.

Emily looked at the pale woman lying in the hospital bed, so broken. JJ was first one in the team to completely open her arm and embrace her in the team. Over the years, their friendship had grown. Somehow JJ would be the one she would turn to whenever she needed to be reassured.

Had it not been JJ, she would not have gotten along with her mother. Had it not been for JJ, she would have not been able to go through the Doyle situation. She was like a beam at the end of the day and yet she had failed her when she needed her the most. Even in the long dark nights while she stayed hidden until Doyle was caught, JJ had been able to takeaway her loneliness and JJ had been the one who had taken the blame on herself about lying to the team about her being dead so that she could protect her and Hotch from any kind of trouble. she had known the team wouls be angry but she didn't care.

There was no one more compassionate that JJ. There was not a person who could give the way JJ gave. She gave pieces of herself to the people who needed her the most but she never complained and she never gave up, always smiling so that the team would smile.

She wiped the tears away from her eys and shook her head. There was no point in crying. She had to be ther for JJ. Sorry wasn't just going to be enough. JJ needed to know that she was still her best friend, and she still needed her but she wanted her to be happy more than anything.

Reid stood further away from the rest of the team. JJ had not been able to trust him to tell him what her problems were and why should she? After all, it was him who was giving her the cold shoulder. It was always him who made it worse for her. she treated him like a little brother and this was what he gave her in return? Just pain?

He swallowed hard. She was the reason he was here living his everyday life. Fter all, she was the one who had helped through all his problem. She had been the one who always supported him when the rest of the people just stared at him and thought that he didn't exist. She was the one who had always ensured that he was happy.

It was JJ who had taught him to trust people and believe in him self. She had accepted him in his family without even hesitating. She had ben the elder sister with whom he could share everything. And today when she needed someone to share her loads with he had turned away from him and not even think about how she was going to cope with everything by herself.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Morgan gritted his teeth as he watched the woman he had considered as his little sister, sleeping in the hospital bed. She seemed so small under the hospital cover. He shook his head. He was supposed to be protecting her but he had not been there for her when she was in need of his support the most. He was supposed to look out for her and he didn't and then she was taken. It was his fault. He had let the situation have an impact on their relationship.

And she hadn't complained. Not to him, not to anyone. Him getting shot was not her fault. No one had known that there would be a second unsub. The profile hadn't suggested so. She had been posted out their to keep an eye out for them but she hadn't seen him enter. And anyone in her place would also have not guessed that there was going to be another person.

He closed his eyes and shook his hand. JJ had been the one person he could trust with everything. She had been the first person he had seen who never judged anyone for what they did or had done. She was the most accepting person he had ever known. While she was the most delicate and soft member of the team, she was also the most strongest when they needed her to be.

And she was the source that kept the team together, no matter what happened. And yet none of them was there with her when she had needed their help. She had lost the one thing she valued the most and yet she kept her self together so that none of them would know what she was going through.

How could he forget that she was JJ? She would never try and burden the team with her problems. She kept everything to herself, fighting every day, trying to get on with her life without letting anyone know about anything. But it was their fault. They had made it impossible for her to speak with them, much less share something as big as this with them.

God. He had no idea how she felt about everything. He had no idea how she had coped. He shook his head, angry with himself. The face they all looked for in times of stress had been so stressed itself and yet they had not been able to see anything.

They were supposed to be the best mind of the BAU and yet they were not able to see that one of their own was in need of their help. What kind of minds did they have? It's been over a month, two weeks before Henry had been taken away from her. And no matter how hard anyone of them tried, they will never be able to get him back. They couldn't save him because they were busy punishing her.

Garcia sat beside JJ, holding her hand as she usually did whenever she had needed JJ's support. No matter what time of the day or night it was, JJ was always there for her. One call and she would be over to her place, talking to her, listening to her and lifting up her spirit. She had always been her best friend, a sister she never had. And never once had she failed in that.

She wiped the tears away from her eyes. Henry was the one thing that mattered to her most, even may be more than the team but he was taken away from her at such a young age and all she could was keep herself together and go through everything all alone. Not a single shoulder to lean on, not a single hand to hold her and not a single soul to tell her that everything is going to be okay.

Did she even know that everything would be okay?

There was no one to tell her that. And now she had lost her aunt to a psychopath. The aunt she had always looked for support when there was nothing for her. The aunt who had been there like a mother. And she hadn't told them anything. How could she? None of them were talking to her. She couldn't even bring herself to tell her that Henry was gone. Her precious little godson was gone.

It was her fault. She didn't give JJ any reason to think that she was there for her. She had abondoned her best friend in a sea filled with misery and sorrow and let her fend for herself. She had let her go through everything alone and not once had she wanted to look to see whether she was okay or not.

JJ would do anything for her family but she would never burden them with anything. And she hardly said anything to anyone, always keeping her problems bottled up inside of her yet smiling so that everyone could smile with her.

She shook her head as she remembered the day JJ had shot the man who had shot her. She hadn't blinked because she was doing it for her. JJ didn't kill. Hell, she didn't even hurt a little living thing but she had killed a man because he had hurt her. She had said that she would do anything to keep her family safe and happy and she was doing it.

But she too was a human being and they did make mistakes. It was just ill fate that things had to go the way they did that night. But punishing her like this was not okay. She swallowed hard. No matter how many times she would say sorry to her but it would never be enough. JJ wouldn't even keep the grudge but she will because she was the one who had hurt the woman who was always her best friend and she was going to make sure that she knew that.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

JJ stirred slowly, trying to open her eyes. Everything hurt so bad. She opened her eyes to see the sterile white walls of the hospital. What the hell had happened? Where was she? She took a breath in as she realised what had happened. The team had come to save her! They managed to save her.

But why?

She had given up. She did not want to live anymore. All she wanted to do was be with her son. Her precous little baby, his life cut short becaus she had failed to see the signs of him struggling. Her little star that she always held close to her heart, thinking that he would someday grow to be handsome man. But she would never see him grow up. He was gone. Gone from her life.

She swallowed hard, not wanting to cry. Henry did not at all like it when she was sad or when she cried. He used to cry when she did too. But today, all she wanted to do was cry but there was no one whom she could hold, no one to comfort her, no one to tell her that it is okay to say goodbye to him because he will stay in her heart forever.

And now she had lost her aunt to a serial killer. Damn. She was a trained FBI and she was supposed to keep the people safe but how could she do if she couldn't keep her own family safe. How could she help others when she couldn't help her aunt and her self. She needed others to save her. She was a weakling and she was going to be burden on them.

But wasn't Hotch going to remove her from her job?

He would do that. And then she would have nothing at all. She would be totally alone and there would be no one to think about her. There would be no one to miss her. She was going to be all alone. All alone.

"Hey, buttercup, how you feeeling?" Garcia managed to smile be her usual self. But she was not sure how JJ was going to react. She felt stupid for letting her best friend go through so much without even noticing that she was even going through something. "Okay," JJ managed to say. In truth, she was in a lot of opain, but it was no use telling her about it. She didn't care.

"We were all so worried about you when you did not check into the hotel," Emily said.

"I am sorry that I caused you guys so much trouble," JJ said.

Hotch remained standing outside the door with Morgan and Rossi. "She is sorry because she caused us trouble?" he muttered to himself. How bad had she been hurt. "It was all my fault and she says she is sorry."

"It wasn't your fault alone, Aaron," Rossi said. "It was all our fault. beating ourselves about it isn't going to help us. We have to show her that we care."

"You are right," Morgan agreed. "Let's go in there and be with her."

"Hey," Hotch said as she looked at them.

"Don't you guys have a report to write or something?" JJ questioned.

"Nope," Morgan replied cheerfully. "It can wait till we get back."

"Strauss will..."

"No one can handle Strauss better than me,"Rossi said."You know the Rossi charm works on her quite well."

Reid stood silently amongst the others. "Reid, are you okay?"

"Yeah, you should probable get some rest before we come to get you once we arrange the flight."

"It's okay, you guys can go on," JJ said slowly. "I just need to be here for sometime."

"Then we all are staying with you. Besides all of us need some break from work," Hotch said. "I'll inform Strauss."

"You can't stay here, Hoth," JJ protested. "Jack needs you to be home with him."

"Jack is on a flight here," Hotch said.

"No, he isn't," Jj knew when Hotch was lying.

Hotch almost smiled. JJ knew them so well and yet they never knew her. "No but he is coming out here if we are staying here."

"I'll get him on the next flight out here," Rossi said and went out to make the necessary arrangements.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

JJ watched as Garcia and Emily talked hushedly with each other. She remained silent, not wanting to disturb them at any cost. The pain was dull for now as the nurse had given her her a pain relief so that she could get some much needed rest. But she was never going to rest. The image of her aunt and Henry always woke her up from her sleep.

"Look, whose up," Garcia said. She sat down beside her. "We are so sorry Jay. I know it is not enough but I mean it. Don't, for once, think that you are alone. You are not. You have us."

"We weren't there but we will be from now," Emily put in. "We are so sorry. It wasn't your fault. Shit happens, we just realised it now. And we don't want to loose you."

"Does that mean that Hotch is not going to remove..."

"Whoever gave you that idea?" Hotch asked. "You are a member of this team and I wouldn't even think about replacing you."

"JJ?" she heard a tiny voice. JJ looked behind Hotch to see Jack standing behind him She smiled for him. Hotch almost smiled. This was the first time he saw her smiling genuinely. "Can I came sit you?" JJ nodded. Hotch picked him up and made him sit beside her. "Why you in hospital? Did the bad man hurt you?" He looked at his dad. "Dad, you send bad man away?"

JJ hugged Jack close. She held him tightly, the way she used to hold her little Henry. But Jack was also a part of her. May be Hotch did not know but Hayley had made her promise that she would always take of Jack and she did. She considered Jack her own and she loved her the way she did Henry.

Garcia smiled. "It's time to go home."

Morgan grabbed JJ's bag while the rest of the team made their way out of the room. Jack held on tightly to JJ. Hotch tried to take him away from her but couldn't. "It's okay," JJ said.

The entire team was at JJ's aunt place. Jack watched as all the adults sat together talking with each other about things that they had done when they were younger. But he couldn't shift his eyes away from JJ. His perfect auntie JJ. She was the only woman who loved him. Emily and Garcia did too. But JJ was special. Because his mommy told him that she would be the one person who will love him more than anyone else. And she did.

But she was sad.

And he knew why she was sad. His dad didn't tell him but he knew. His little brother had told him that she was sad.

"JJ," Jack said, coming to sit on her lap. "You are sad?"

"No, sweetie, I am not sad," JJ said. "I am smiling. See." She gave him her best smile.

"Henry says that you smile too well because you don't want us to be sad," Jack smiled.

JJ couldn't say anything. The mention of her little boy brought tears to her eyes. She swallowed hard. Her baby boy was no longer with her and here she was still living her life. She did not have any right to go on. Her baby was no longer with her.

"Henry said you will be sad because he is gone to where my mommy has gone," Jack said slowly. The rest of the team stared at Jack. Hotch frowned. He had not said anything to Jack about Henry. He shook his head when Rossi glanced at him. "He said that he would take care of mommy for me and I have to take care of his mommy for him."

JJ swallowed again as she tried to stop the tears from coming into her eyes. "Henry also said that it is okay to cry. He said that you never cried once when he went. But he says its okay. He loves you."

"I love him, too," JJ said.

"I love him too," Jack said and suddenly he hugged her tigthly. "I love you, too."

After a few minutes, Hotch came to stand beside Jack. He went down on his knees to come face to face with his son. "Buddy, when did Henry say this to you?"

Jack smiled. "When I asked you to take me to Henry and you were busy with work, I was sad. I cried in my bed and then Henry came in my dreams. He said that he was with mommy and she was being nice to him. He told me to take care of auntie JJ. He told me that she was lonely and missing him so much and there was no one to take care of her."

He frowned. "I don't know why he says that. But you all were there with auntie JJ."

Without saying a word, JJ excused herself from the group and went into the room.


End file.
